How to Detach from Your Writing Goals So You Can Enjoy the Writing Process
Do you ever get so overwhelmed or anxious about reaching your writing goals that it’s hard to feel excited about writing daily? Maybe you feel like the act of writing is more of a dreaded chore than something you enjoy? Maybe you’re so wrapped up in your ultimate vision that it’s hard to accept the potential detours or snags because you fear they’ll slow you down or completely derail you?
When this happens, it could mean that you’re so attached to the outcome that whenever the daily process strays from your vision, you think you’re failing.
This article discusses the hazards of spending too much attention on the outcome (your goals) and why focusing on the process is a much healthier behavior that will actually still lead you towards your desires, even when it looks like you’re taking the unbeaten path.
THE IMPORTANCE OF CLARITY IN YOUR GOAL-SETTING
Getting clear and specific in your goal-setting is crucial to accomplishing what you desire. This includes understanding the purpose of the goal, how it will add to your overall creative journey, and what it will take for you to accomplish the goal (factoring in all elements such as resources, time, space, support system, research, etc).
When we’re not clear about what we want or what we have to do to get what we want, then we have the tendency to wander aimlessly, and we struggle with decision-making and accountability.
Wandering or being unable to make definitive decisions aren’t terrible in and of themselves, especially if you’re still in the Discovery stage of writing. However, if you’re someone who wants to finish their book, then wandering is unhelpful. The funny thing is when we really care about our goals, when those goals are super-important to us, then we tend to obsess. We worry, overthink, feel overwhelmed by the detail and tasks leading up to the goal. This can lead to major blocks.
We start thinking that we’re not meeting our goal as fast as we wanted to. Not able to get in as many words as we wanted to. Those thoughts will set us up for resistance and limiting beliefs and block us so we don’t do any writing.
The objective then is to detach from the writing goal. This doesn’t mean we stop caring about the goal. It means that we learn to have faith that we will accomplish the goal we’ve set, and that we trust the process, trust the outcome.
The way to do that is to first believe that you can do anything you put your mind to. This is a core belief that everyone needs to adopt. If you’re not there yet, then that is inner work you need to do. Believe that no matter what, whatever you care about, whatever you want to accomplish, it will happen for you. Not necessarily in the timeline you anticipate or hope for, but that’s not what you should focus on anyway as that hang-up can create another block. When you tend to your goal on a daily/regular basis, you will accomplish the goal.
If you’re someone who needs to have more control than that, then this methodology won’t work for you.
Trust the fact that once you set the goal, you’ve made your claim that this is something you care about. Therefore, it is possible for you.
DETACHING IS EASIER THAN YOU THINK
Many people will say great, but if it’s something I really care about how can I possibly detach from the outcome? Shouldn’t I stay on top of that more? Shouldn’t I track how well I’m doing? And if I detach, won’t that mean I don’t care as much about it and am more likely to stray from the goal?
All good questions.
I want to give you a practical example of how you probably are already practicing the art of detachment of things you deeply care about without even realizing it.
Picture a really important relationship in your life. Maybe you’re the parent of a young child or teen, maybe you’re married, maybe you have a best friend or favorite sibling.
Likely, you want what’s best for them. You want to see them succeed. You want them to be happy, you want them to have the things they desire. This is part of a healthy relationship with this person.
There will be moments where you worry and feel anxious and possibly obsess over their well-being. This is normal, even in healthy relationships, but how does that make you feel? When you allow yourself to get anxious and to worry so much about how they’re doing, if they’ll have a good day at school, if they’re safe…what feelings come up for you? Not happy, light, easy feelings, right?
Interestingly though, when we’re in a healthy relationship, then those times you do worry don’t last all that long. Why? Because ultimately you have faith that they’ll be just fine, you trust that they will learn how to handle adversity.
Your mind won’t be on them and how they’re doing 24/7, 365 because you are able to trust that they’ll be okay – you have to, otherwise you can’t go about your daily business. You detach from the outcome of their day or experience because if you didn’t you’d go crazy. You believe in their ability to figure out the process so they can achieve their personal goals.
Now, on the flip side, if you have an unhealthy relationship with this person, then you’re more likely to dwell in the worry and anxiety and obsess over every little detail. You may be a helicopter parent or a distrustful spouse. You get so caught up in the “What if’s” that you lose all sense of joy and faith in the moment. You hang on tighter and tighter until something—or someone—breaks.
People in healthy relationships know how to detach from the outcome. They know how to trust the process and let the other person be independent and learn things on their own. Any form of worry or anxiety may come, but will also go, because the people in this healthy relationship wouldn’t be able to function otherwise.
You already know how to detach from the outcome of things you deeply care about. You may not have been aware that you’re skilled at detachment, but that’s not the point. The important aspect is that detaching from things that you care about is part of human nature, and you can do it.
The same is true when we have a healthy relationship with our creative selves. We trust the journey. We have faith in the outcome. We understand that good things happen in their own heroic hour, and that we need to focus our attention on the steps getting there, because those are the aspects more in our control.
STEPS TO DETACH
1. Set your goal, maybe include a deadline if appropriate. Include any factors such as people involved, if necessary. Be clear on how this goal looks to you.
2. Trust it will happen at its own heroic hour. Trust that because you set this goal, it is already in the works. You may find this to be tricky if you have a deadline involved. Understand that your goal’s own heroic hour is separate from any deadline you may set. In other words, if you miss your deadline, that doesn’t mean you’ve failed the goal. It only means your timeline isn’t quite the same as the timeline that your goal NEEDS in order to be accomplished.
3. Understand, that logically, in order for you to accomplish this goal, you need to outline your strategy. It isn’t going to manifest on its own; you have work to do. This point harkens back to step #2. The work you do may not be as clear to you at the outset, and this is a very common reason why goals aren’t accomplished within our perceived deadlines. A willingness to be flexible and an understanding that certain goals may require more work than we originally planned is crucial to helping us stay motivated and excited.
4. Your focus will now be on the daily intentions that lead you toward your goal. Ex: How many words will I write today? When do I meet with my writing group? Am I organizing my chapters or mapping out my plot? What do I need to do today to make this big goal a reality? Know that your task each day is part of the bigger picture.
5. Understand again that the goal will be accomplished because you are focusing on the process, your daily tasks and responsibilities.
6. Journal nightly as a way of checking in with your strategy to make sure you’re staying in alignment with your goal. This form of record keeping is amazingly helpful at pointing out what is working, where we might be struggling, where we shine, and how we might be surprising ourselves.
THE VALUE OF DETACHING
Too often, we envision a certain outcome which creates a narrow field of vision that blocks us from treating the unexpected as an opportunity. When we can successfully let go of our expectations, then we’re more likely to see opportunities before us. We will be more likely to indulge in the moment, enjoy what we’re discovering along our writing adventure. We won’t spend as much time brooding over what isn’t working for us, how things aren’t going as planned—because the detachment has allowed us to be more accepting of twists and turns in the journey.
All of this will naturally drum up waves of joy during the writing process. And when you’re happy doing this thing that you deeply care about, then the outcome is just the icing on a fabulously delicious cake.
I WANT TO HEAR FROM YOU! HAVE YOU EVER TRIED TO DETACH FROM YOUR OUTCOME?
DO YOU FIND DETACHMENT DIFFICULT?
WHAT QUESTIONS DO YOU HAVE FOR ME?
HAVE A WRITERLY DAY!